Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Far Away Here

Far Away Here

I see the air
I feel the light
I touch the sky
With you tonight

I walk on water
I breathe your skin
I dance on cliffs
Beginning to end

I hold you close
In a distant way
Like an orbiting planet
Or
A castaway

A quiet despair
A knowing fear
To let love in
Then disappear

I invent conversations
To feed my delusions
I dream of words
With no translations

I wish for love
On moonless nights
Dark is the color
Of my soul in flight
Warm is the thought
Of you tonight

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Depression is Like an Angry Barn Cat

God I haven’t been this depressed in a long time.

For me, depression is like an angry barn cat. I don’t notice it until it appears, hissing and scratching. And just when I think that it can’t be too bad, because afterall, it’s a cute little cat…..WHAP…..the claws come out. And that’s when I know that I’m in the barn, trapped. I’ve got to get used to the darkness and the dust, because right now, that’s where I live.

It’s hard for someone who hasn’t dealt with this type of mental illness to understand the complexities involved. It is for the person experiencing the symptoms, too. Because each time there are nuances…different feelings and emotions that erupt like a volcano, not knowing when the mountain will explode. Hoping there are no casualties. Knowing that there probably will be a few. Hoping it’s not me, this time.

I can throw the darts and aim for the target.
I’ll miss but I’ll try
I can’t see the bullseye.

I know the point of the game;
I just don’t want to play.
I can’t make sense of it.
I’ll never get it right.
I’m not a good aim.

I can’t see the lines
I know I’m going to lose
I know the darts won’t go far enough or fast enough to stick.
I know I will lose.

They bounce off the wall nowhere near their destination. No points. Laugh it off. It’s just paint on the wall. But people get mad that you’ve damaged something. That you’ve ruined something beautiful. If you just knew what you were doing you could be right. You could do right but you’re not right so you can’t be right. Isn’t that right? I throw and I throw and I can’t get there and I see the lines and I see the destination and I keep throwing and throwing and losing each time. In despair. And I’m frustrated and I’m a loser and I can’t help being a loser and I can’t help feeling like a trapped animal and I can’t help smelling of darkness and dust.

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Cross Haired Diplomat

Sometimes
It makes me think
about Alanis Morissette
“Isn’t it Ironic”.
Don’t you think?
To get blown away
At a Safeway.

You’re just so too good to be true
I got my sites on you
I want you in my cross hairs
Your blue eyes and golden hair

Face the Facebook
Gobble the Google
Gotta map to find you
This gun is all for you

I’ll find
The places on your heart
I’ll find
The crosses in your hair
I’ll find
The things to destroy you
I’ll find a way
Because I care

We can’t even read the Constitution
Without the Chamber yelling
It’s a volatile situation
Maybe they should meet at Safeway
No gavel…and a little more leeway

You can’t hide forever
We can blow you away
At a Safe-way
Anyday
Who’s to blame?
Valeria Plame?
She’s got good cross hairs
Looks just the same

You can’t escape from us
Jump on the Facebook bus
Or impale on the Palin Map
Cross Haired Diplomat

What do we worship more?
The Cross or Cross Hairs
Apparently
We’ve got souls to spare

Friday, June 21, 2013

I’m not a Rothchild



I’m not a Rothchild
Just a lost child
Searching for something
But there’s nothing
To find
In here

I’m not a Flaming Lip
I’ve tried to be hip
Toking with a smoke clip
I need to get a grip

Wanna take a ride
To the Oceanside
Head blown in
Like a driven wind
Knocking down
What I’ve never found

I’m out of breath but I can’t stop the death
I’m out of time and I can’t make it mine
I’m out of luck and I’m hopelessly stuck
Because nothing changes
And nothing rearranges
In here