When Paranoid Attacks Or Paranoids Attack???

Paranoid thought….but a paranoid day, I guess. Wondering if I should take pictures of everyone that comes into my office “Can you hold it right there….thanks!”

I would rather have a person act completely nuts than have a person I can't read....who sits on the fence. You know the type....."he was always a quiet person."

Fast Food Gigolo

He doesn't need a menu
He's ordered it before
A slice of pie
A piece of meat
Always on the score

Who needs discretion?
When there’s so much selection?
So what’s a little heart burn
It’ll go away, no concern

Ah, the fast food mentality
It’s fairly cheap
Hell, sometimes free!
Easy to eat and throw away
The drive-thru opens every day

It must be so sublime
To have a guilt free mind
That makes everything taste fine
And hardly waste a dime

So how do you know
Who’s a Fast Food Gigolo?
Sometimes they’re hard to spot
But experience can help a lot
I wish I could follow
my own advice
Skip burgers and shakes
And try caviar on ice

Fuckabilly Circus

It's a Fuckabilly Circus
They work us and work us
Never meaning to hurt us
As long as it's courteous

Is it a Devil's playground
Being on the rebound
Oh to be out of bounds
Silence can be a wonderful sound

Can you deny about the lies
Were they mine? I can't comply
Until I try
To utterly say
I wish things could have gone
another way.

What did Jessica Rabbit Say?

I'm not that bad,
I'm just drawn that way?

I'm not depressed,
I just write that way.

Depressed at times,
Just not today.......

The Cellar

Ok...wrote this a couple of months ago. I went to church and the message was about the storms in our lives. This was my take. I have a friend who wrote a song based on this diatribe, which is included at the bottom.

When I was very young (5/6), my Dad woke me up and brought all three kids into the back yard to look at this incredible lightening storm. He told me not to be afraid and that what I was experiencing was a beautiful thing. He was teaching me to not be afraid of the storm. And, for the most part, I learned my lesson. Or so I thought.

These days…….storms scare the hell out of me. Life scares the hell out of me. Everyone has to weather storms. It’s a true sign of character that determines how you conduct yourself when the clouds come in. Do you run into the fruit cellar the minute a rain drop falls on your nose? Or, do you look up at the sky and give gratitude that the rain will revive the earth and give promise for a better tomorrow?

For some reason, the cellar door looks ominous yet inviting to me. I can open it up and step into a safe, dark place where no one can touch or hurt me. I am invisible to all. Now that I’m essentially living in a cellar, I realize that it’s not the lightening or the people that hurt me the most. It’s the isolation. And I don’t look up to the sky with gratitude. I look down with despair.

Destiny on the horizon.
Bleak and dark?
Many more storms to come?
Has God been impolite
Telling me to Shut Up
And get on with it?

Maybe I can come out of the cellar, open up an umbrella and take my chances. I can smell the air after the rain – clean, new and free of debris. And if I'm lucky, maybe I can find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

The Song - The Cellar
These days
Storms scare the hell out of me
These days
Life scares the hell out of me

Everyone has to weather storms.
It’s a true sign of character that determines
how you conduct yourselfwhen the clouds come in.
Do you run into the cellar
the minute a drop of rain falls on your nose?
Or do you look up at the sky with gratitude
That the rain will renew the earth

The cellar door looks ominous yet inviting
It opens into a safe, dark place
Where nothing and no one can hurt me.

Now I’m living in a cellar
Where people and lightening
Can’t hurt me
But the isolation does.

I don’t look up to the sky with gratitude.
I look down with despair.

Destiny on the horizon?
Or more storms to come.
God’s been impolite
Says to get on with it.
“Come out of the cellar and take your chances.”

The Treasure Trove of Trash

This is what I wrote to my friend back in June '09 regarding present circumstances. Sorting through things....it's hard to know what to keep....to know what is truly valuable.

We accumulate so many things during our lives.
Sand in a bottle
Ashes in an urn
Joy in the heart
Regrets in the soul

What do we throw away?
What do we keep?
Sand in the bottle?
A special vacation. A perfect moment 15 years ago.
Now, what is it but a bunch of dirt in a glass container?

Ashes in an urn
A loved one to keep close?
But it can’t throw ball, cook a Thanksgiving dinner or fetch a stick

So what are these things worth? They’re trash. Right?

For me, it’s a treasure trove of trash.
It helps keep me grounded as
to what is important in my life. I
t helps me to retain memory and, in
essence, love.

So, even though it may consist of dirt and ashes,
it is important to me.
It is part of my life.

If we are lucky,
most of us have had our share of joy in life.
But,it’s not tangible.

Joy in the heart is not defined by the objects we possess.
And, the true definition is not the same for all.
Is true joy a lie?
No, it’s just elusive at times.
We have skewed expectations.

When times are down, however,
it’s hard to cling onto the joy in the heart.
We dig through the trash,
and even a bulldozer can’t clear the debris.
It’s immense and it’s deep.
And unfortunately, it accumulates.

Which brings me to regrets of the soul
from places that cannot easily be reached.
Anyone without regrets either is
a psychopath or is extremely unlucky.

Regrets lead to soul searching.
Regrets lead to growth.
So, what do I throw away, what do I keep?
I think I’ll keep the bulldozer at bay…..at least for today.

Playing the Game?

There’s a reason
People should play fair
But..........
For the most part,
they don't care

By the book or
Buy the book
Either way
People cook the books

A sense of morality
and civilized rules
What are we talking about
Everyone is fooled.

Relationships are games
without a doubt
And it's fun to play
Until the clock runs out

When it's finally over
And the dust clears
Dodge the goal post on the ground
Nobody cheers

Can I avoid the riots
Or should I escape
The collapsing bleachers
Inevitable destruction in the wake?

The Buildings of my View

Nothing new under the sun
The times I feel most lonely
I'm usually with someone.

Or, surrounded by strangers
People I'll never know
Don't even want to say hello

Just an observation
While walking past Dart Station
Through downtown Dallas
On a Tuesday night
Adding to my loneliness?
Such a lonely plight
Too much city
I feel internal pity

I felt a sense of loss
Walking from Central and Ross
To the grassy knoll
Feeling empty
Not whole

I stare at the Dallas skyline
Never venturing on the streets
I read the papers and watch TV
Reporters covering beats
Who wants to be part of an internet byline?
A death in the city doesn’t get headlines.

Do I embrace life or insist on sadness?
Do I look to the east for a clue?
Do I envision the sunset through the buildings of my view?

It's hard walking the streets alone
But I need to feel the downtown vibe
And not be so scared of what's there to offer
Not be afraid to be alive

Some Would Say (Also known as my opinion on the Republican view of Healthcare)

Some would say
The Darwinian approach is in full activation

It’s not about health, wealth,
clout, mouth, sway, disarray,
mainstay, gay, not gay

Should people die?
Of course!
That’s the natural progress of life

Should they suffer?
What is life but suffering

Should the government be put into motion to stop it?
The suffering….yes. The Dying?

Well….we all know that Death takes a holiday occasionally
But it never comes to good ends.

Face to Face with Reality

God I've made some terrible mistakes in my life.

When I think about the things I've done?
How I've reacted?
What did I become?

How could I be so stupid?
How did I submit?
It was evil and enclosing
I just finally quit

Beating is the easy route
Practiced many times
Bruises all too deep to heal
Couldn't see the signs

If I could go back in time, to the way things used to be,
what would or could I change? Tough question not easily answered.
Tough ones rarely are.

It's easy to romanticize about things from the past.
Recapturing a perfect moment
A kiss?
A look?
A friendly gesture?

I can mix up the order and change the words.
I can be completely
Right and Justified about all my actions.
I answer to no one.

And then it happens.
The cruel reality.
The outcome is always the same.
And I'm NOT favored.
It doesn't go my way
- again and again and again.

And I get this terrifyingly awful feeling
that passes from my head to my toes.
Limb to limb

I'm face to face with myself
I don't like what I see
Looking at the way things are
not the way I wished they could be