Face to Face with Reality

God I've made some terrible mistakes in my life.

When I think about the things I've done?
How I've reacted?
What did I become?

How could I be so stupid?
How did I submit?
It was evil and enclosing
I just finally quit

Beating is the easy route
Practiced many times
Bruises all too deep to heal
Couldn't see the signs

If I could go back in time, to the way things used to be,
what would or could I change? Tough question not easily answered.
Tough ones rarely are.

It's easy to romanticize about things from the past.
Recapturing a perfect moment
A kiss?
A look?
A friendly gesture?

I can mix up the order and change the words.
I can be completely
Right and Justified about all my actions.
I answer to no one.

And then it happens.
The cruel reality.
The outcome is always the same.
And I'm NOT favored.
It doesn't go my way
- again and again and again.

And I get this terrifyingly awful feeling
that passes from my head to my toes.
Limb to limb

I'm face to face with myself
I don't like what I see
Looking at the way things are
not the way I wished they could be